Tuesday, January 27, 2009

No freezing rain NO

I think I let the weather affect my mood too much.

I'm mad at myself. I feel like I have been making too many compromises, and this needs to stop.

I've been feeling really off lately...well, pretty much this whole semester (what there has been of it.) There's a part of me that has really wanted to not be here at Harding. A part that wants to move on. Go out into the world. Get a job. Start a new life.

I have found myself resisting relationships; wanting to distance myself from friends because, for some reason, I think that once I leave Harding next year that it will be goodbye forever. And thus why get closer to people when it will just make saying those goodbyes harder?

I was studying in the Heritage lobby between rehearsals tonight, and Tessa walked by and sat down and we started talking. Because I was pondering this right before she came, the conversation led here. As I was voicing the above feelings to her...I realize how ridiculous they were (thanks Tessa...right time right place.)

If I live my life hoping to move on so as to avoid the hurt that comes with it, then what's the point? God can only use me when I allow him to use me in every situation. So I am going to purge these pessimistic thoughts, and instead live and cherish every moment, every relationship, every situation.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from the movie Gladiator. As Maximus rallies his troupes and prepares them to charge into battle against the barbarian horde, he closes his speech saying:

"Brothers, what we do in life, echoes in eternity."


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Bittersweet Day

It's remarkable how things can turn around so quickly. I woke up this morning looking forward to spending the day with Eric and Ryan, a couple of my best friends from New Mexico (they drove up last night to visit me for a day). I was on top of the world.

...and then life smacked me in the face.


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