Sunday, September 28, 2008

little blessings

I talked to a friend tonight that I really haven't talked to a whole bunch. She was a friend from back in Los Alamos, but we haven't seen too much of each other for a long time. Although I did actually see her once over the summer when she was in Little Rock visiting family. But anyway, she was just really encouraging to me...she noticed that a couple of my status message on Facebook weren't exactly the happiest of late...and has been praying for me. It was really sweet of her. It's nice to find out people have been praying for you even though they have no idea what is going on with you.

These past two weeks have been kind of rough. At times I feel lost. But I just have to keep believing that God will make stuff better with time. Today was pretty good day. :)

Thank God for little blessings:
Looking up at the starry night sky
Getting and giving a hug
Playing at the park with friends

Ok, but I need sleep. Good night and sweet dreams everyone.


Sunday, September 14, 2008

i don't know what to say...

i'm just tired
tired of hope


Thursday, September 11, 2008

My day. And Bible study thoughts

I am sitting in the computer lab, and I can finally relax a little bit for the first time today. Although I probably really should be reading my Business Law book. But that can wait a few minutes.

My head popped off my pillow this morning and I had that strange sensation: "it's TOO bright in this room...I hope I didn't sleep through my alarm!" But I did. My computer wakes me up with a Relient K song every morning...but I had forgotten that I had my earphones plugged in instead of my speakers, so I didn't hear it. Anyway, I checked my phone and it said 8:24. Oooh, plenty of time to get ready for my 8:30 class!

Needless to say I shot out of bed and was pretty much dressed by the time my feet hit the ground. I slapped on my glasses because I didn't have time to put my contacts in, wet my hair so I looked slightly presentable, and bolted out the door. I texted Steve on my way to class to apologize for missing breakfast. We were supposed to meet at the caf at 8:00 (though it turned out that he overslept too and didn't get up till 10:20). I got to my class 2 minutes late, my head still in a whirl (you know that feeling). And I never got a chance to really catch my breath. After the class I had chapel, had 30 minutes to finish homework for my 11:30 class, went to that class, went to work for Oklahoma! build crew till 3:00, went and got that little white card from the payroll office for Ben Jones, had a Piper interview at 3:30, COBA cookout at 4:30, BITS meeting at 5:30, Piper callback dinner at 6:30. And now I'm here working the Mabee computer lab till 10:30 pm. *SIGH*

So... I guess I said all that to say...I'm glad my days aren't always like that.


Ok, so this is unrelated to the above story, but I didn't feel the need to make two separate posts. One gargantuan post should do just fine.

I have been able to go to Wednesday night Bible study for each of the three weeks so far this semester. The two semesters before I wasn't able to go because I had to work wednesday night in the computer lab.

But going again makes me realize just how much I missed it. It really makes my whole week much better. Wednesday is the start of the downhill roll to the weekend anyway, but Bible study makes Wednesday the highpoint of the school week. The first week I went to the Chalenburg's, which was really good. But B Chris said I should come back to the Bible study he co-leads at Miss Donna's house; King and Matt Love also help lead the bible study. I had gone to it multiple times Spring '07 and really enjoyed it. It's an all-male bible study, and it is absolutely AMAZING. There's an instant bond between all of us that go there and I feel that I could pretty much tell any of them anything about me and it'd be ok. Last night's study B Chris, Matt, and King told us all their life stories, mainly focusing on the sexual struggles they went though and how they were able to turn around. It's hard to describe the feeling I had last night. It was wonderful. It's such a great feeling to know you are surrounded by men of God.

Anyway, I'm going to try hard to make it every Wednesday night to a Bible study, whether it's at Miss Donna's, the Frye's, or at the Chalenburgs. Because I need it. I know my faith definitely needs to grow, especially since it has taken some big hits since last year. Last fall semester was the darkest time I've ever been through: spiritually, emotionally, name it. My relationships with pretty much everyone including God took a blow. And I'm deeply sorry for that. Fortunately God pulled me through! And I especially want to say thank you to one of my friends for helping me through also (she knows who she is)...she was a solid friend throughout (please don't take that to mean that I think she was the ONLY good friend I had during that semester. That wouldn't be true at all).

So...yes...Wednesday night Bible study is great. God is great. Friends are great. Family is great.

Please keep me in your prayers. I need God's help to know how I should deal with a couple of people (in completely unrelated ways). And I also am trying not to get my hopes up for being in Pipers as much as I did last year. But that's hard to do and I could use prayers for that too.

It is the anniversary of 9/11 :(.


I'm on the up and up. And I've got nothing left to lose.


Saturday, September 6, 2008


so this semester it seems like a lot of my friends are in relationships (which is great! I am happy for them!) or are just plain busy.

...needless to say, i don't see them much. and a lot of my meals are being eaten with me, myself, and I...or with random people (if i feel extroverted that day).

it's hard for me to make new friends. i've always been one to stick with a smaller group of friends...not branch out and have 100...i don't think i could keep track of them all. i'm perfectly satisfied with a few close friends.

it'd be nice to have a group of friends like on the Friends TV show (clarification: i don't mean friends that sleep around with everyone all the time...i just mean a group of friends that will stick together no matter what). anyone want to move to New York with me!?!? haha...i am kidding. kinda.

i am hoping that i will be able to make a few more new friends...being in Oklahoma! might help.

and frankly, i don't know why i look forward to weekends, because some of them suck.

but on a happy note:



Monday, September 1, 2008

i'm going to try...

... praying more

... reading my Bible more

... to control my thoughts from wandering at times when they shouldn't

... to be a better friend to my friends

... to discover what exactly my purpose here at Harding is

... to go to church more than once a week

... to start writing on my blog more often

... to work out 2-3 times a week, and run some too



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