life trials of the shy and awkward

he looks at the girl
out of the corner of her eye
she notices his stare
she turns her head
their gazes unite
for one beautiful moment
"what?"
she giggles
"I...I..."
he stutters
"nothing"
he looks away

he doesn't say
he wanted to
he really wanted to
he hesitates
he couldn't make himself
he's always hesitated
instead of just leaping
he has let many chances pass
he knows now though
and next time
he'll say it

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Dear God,

I like how you don't give up on me
I like how quickly you comfort me when I talk to you about my worries
I like how I feel at peace after we've talked
I like how, when I look at the big picture, I can see that your way was so much better than mine
I like how you love me more than any person
I like waking up to each beautiful day you give me
I like how you have given me great friends
I like how quickly you answer some of my prayers
I like each day discovering new blessings you have given me

I like you
I love you
I adore you
I need you

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clams

So, the phrase: "Happy as a clam." Where did this come from? I spent at least four minutes pondering this tonight. Four minutes of brain power. Do clams just seem like over-exuberant creatures to everyone? I think not. To me, clams are just shells filled with living, writhing goop. Goop that I will never ever try to eat again.

But, really...clams can't smile - you've never seen a picture of them smiling, have you!?!? NOOOO. They don't laugh. They basically just mill around on the ocean floor, waiting to be eaten by sharks or other aquatic life or by us.

And what about the ones that can produce pearls? They spend their whole life nursing this pearl into existence. This perfect mother-of-pearl sphere. And when they have a perfect orb inside them, they are ripped open and their life's work is strung with a bunch of others around a plump rich lady's neck. This doesn't sound like a very fulfilling, happy existence. D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-N-G.

I'm sure you all have labored on the very same question as to the meaning of this phrase. together we can find an answer. together. yes.

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i'm walking the line

where are you?
i'm looking
i don't see you anywhere

i'm searching the horizon
just to catch a glimpse of you
nothing

sometimes, i think i see you
i've thought for sure before
but it was a mirage

as soon as i fix my eyes on you
you flicker away
and i'm left alone

one more broken heart
one more time to heal
one more opportunity to grow

are you lost?
or am i?
are we both wandering in circles?

i wonder if i'll ever find you
maybe you'll find someone else first
i'll arrive too late

no, i don't need you
but if i find you
i will be filled with joy

i'm happy now
i'm content
i hope you are too

our roads will meet
our paths will entwine
our hearts will join

please be out there
if you are
i'll find you

'till then: i'll keep on looking
i won't lose hope,
i can't

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take luck!

It is SOOO annoying when you say something wrong the wrong way.
And you can't fix it.

I just got back from talking with Piper Keith at Rib Crib. We were having this nice conversation, but he had to get back to his job, so as he turned and left, I said "Nice to meet you!"

!?!?!?

What?!

I already know Keith, we've talked before a couple times...and...and...it makes it seem as if I thought this was the first time we met, and I'm a jerk for not remembering.

What I meant to say was "Nice to see you," and I would have corrected myself there but he was already too far away. Ugh! My brain and mouth need to work together more often. I'm hoping he didn't notice, or at least knew that I just goofed, but idk...Eh, I'm probably just over-analyzing things.

Anyways...sorry it's been a while since my last post. I haven't really had too much mental power to focus on writing. I'll be really glad when this upcoming week is over, and most of my projects and tests are done!!!!!!

P.S. The post title is comes from Brian Regan, a commedian, where he talks fumbling over words...I thought it was appropriate. Listen to it. It's hilarious.

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I want...

So...I've decided I would post one of those "embarrassing" posts that I was talking about a few posts back. I should explain the content first. I recently read a chapter in this book that suggested writing letters to my future wife (fyi, the "warrior poet" line came from this book). So even though I'm years away from marriage...it still sounded like an interesting idea. So this is written for someone in particular. Someone that I don't know. Or don't think I know. Try not to make TOO much fun of it. Here it goes...


I want to be able to spend hours with you even if few words are spoken

I want to share everything with you

I want to be able to leave you alone when you need to be alone

I want to be your warrior poet

I want to hug and comfort you after a bad day

I want to feel at peace around you

I want to protect everything that makes you you

I want to trust you with every step we take together

I want to share both smiles and tears with you

I want to stand by you when we struggle

I want to take walks in the rain with you

I want to feel the excitement of the first kiss every time I kiss you

I want to thank God for every second that I am with you

I want to look into your shimmering eyes and see love

I want to understand you

I want to surprise you

I want to feel my heart leap every time I'm around you

I want to always be madly in love with you

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A great weekend so far

I believe this is the first weekend since the start of the semester that has actually felt like a weekend! I've done no school.

Friday after Spring Sing build crew was done I went with Adam and Katie to Little Rock, where we met Sully, Elizabeth, Jordan, and Katie, and then went to a nice little Mexican restaurant. It was good, better than the ones here in Searcy. The we went back to the Sullivan's, where we talked for a bit and then watched Sweeney Todd. It was pretty good. I didn't love it, but I liked it, and the music was enjoyable. There was blood. A LOT!

I then spent the night at the Colvin's, which was fun. Had to get up before 10 though because they had stuff to do for Marigolds at 10. Came back to the dorm, watched a couple episodes of 24, then went to breakfast at Bobby's with Natalie and Susan. After that I took a...TWO AND A HALF HOUR NAP!

It

was

awesome

Then...got up and decided that that our dorm room needed cleaning, so I tidied up the room and washed the dishes that were filling the sink. Kevin and I have been so busy lately that we have let our room go to pot. Natalie called me as I was finishing up and said her and Susan and others were going to have a cookout. We drove to some place out in the country, hiked up a cliff, and made a fire. Most of the group with us was planning to camp over night there, though Natalie, Susan and I were planning to leave around 11. So we were having a nice cookout, eating hotdogs and Smores...

Then the cops came.

Supposedly we were on private property.

But...fortunately the didn't arrest us.

Blah...it was stupid

But besides that ordeal, it has been a terrific weekend so far! I have just goofed off all day! It has been VERY cool. I hope I have more of these, because ever since I came to Harding, it seems like more and more my weekends start to look less like weekends. And more like homework days. But today has been a good break. Hope you all have had an amazing weekend so far too!

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stuff

A few things:

1. Two bad chapels in a row :(. It's depressing. It started out well. Jared Cook led singing, and we sang "The Greatest Command" song, which is one of my favorites. I just listened to people sing it today though, which was nice. Then we had someone stand up and give us about a 5-10 minute devo, and I thought we were done. But then we had someone introduce another speaker, and he talked for 15 minutes on blood and Leukemia and chromosomes. Which is a fine subject...for biology class. But I guess I shouldn't complain too much.

2. I've realized that I'm happier when I don't involve myself with too much "drama" (and I don't mean acting). I'm glad to help out and give advice, but it's not good to push myself into something that doesn't personally involve me.

3. The hot water in the Cone dorm is non-existent. I found this out last night when I was ready for a nice long hot shower. I turned on the water and waited for it to get warm. And waited.

...............waiting...............

Well it never did! :( I was hoping it was just our shower, so I got dressed again and scampered up to my friend Josh's room, hoping maybe I could use his shower. Here his roommate informed me that the hot water was out for the entire dorm. So I went back to my dorm, resigned to the fact I would have to take a cold shower. I was already feeling chilly before I got into the shower, thus, I was really looking forward to my nightly hot shower. too bad. I took a pretty quick shower, and then had some ramen noodles to warm me up. I hope they fix it soon though, because the water still wasn't warm this morning!

4. Today is disaster drill! I'm looking forward to it! I am excited to see what is going to be wrong with me.

5. I realize I post the most random stuff ever. You don't have to read to the end of my posts. I just enjoy writing them.

--EDIT--

Disaster Drill is now finished! It was fun. I assume photos of the calamity will start to populate Facebook soon. And since I had to take a shower to clean off, I found out our hot water is back on!

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naps

I wish I had more time for these. Because some days, I really need them! Like today. I was able to lay down for about 15 minutes just now, but had to get up to work in the lab. I was almost asleep and then my stupid phone alarm went off... *sigh*

hate that :(

Naps improve my mood too, which on a cloudy blah day like this, could probably use improving. Usually I wake up to a happy song that I've set my computer to play, and it makes me wake up with a smile. But I haven't had time for a good nap (at least one hour) in a long time!

Maybe...I should be taking better advantage of my chapel skips! I like to save them for the last couple of weeks to make those days go easier...but I usually end up going to chapel anyway. Today would have been a good day to skip. I'm sure the speaker had a good message, but I couldn't hear half of what he said. If I skipped on Tuesday or Thursday I could sleep till 11...mmmm...sounds nice :).

But alas, I'll just have to deal with another napless day. Well, me and this Rockstar will deal with it :)! This is an "original" Rockstar, the second one I've ever had. According to Daniel it's the man's Rockstar. It has a weird taste though, and it makes me go, and I quote, because I just incidentally made this noise after I took my first sip: "guhkkkkk." But I guess I like the taste of it. It's an experience.

Oh, and Happy April Fools day! I hope your day was great!!!

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