Ode to the Worm

Lo! Crusty earthworm on the sidewalk
I am sorry you did not make it
You once reigned supreme under the ground
But for a dream, that was forsaken
And now you are invertebrate bacon

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Someone needed to post

Although everyone who reads this probably already knows this, my sister is going to be starting as a freshman this semester! We'll be heading back Thursday. Dad, Jess, Catherine and I have spent time trying to get the inside of her truck reupholstered. It was rather disgusting inside, but now it looks really good.

I'm really glad I'm staying the extra semester. Apart from spreading about my remaining classes to a sane amount, my friendships will also be able to continue and grow. I'll be honest, more toward the end of last semester I felt thought I needed to get out as soon as possible and move on. While I still am wanting to move into the workforce, I think this last year is going to be awesome. My summer was great, especially toward the end (Yawoo! week). I am so happy that I stayed in Searcy with friends. Working on the natural gas wells was a lot better than last summer too. I stayed on the same crew pretty much the whole summer, and John and Curtis were great guys to work with. We got along, joked around, and still worked hard.

I feel as if I have changed a lot over the past year or so. Mostly for the better, although there are mistakes I have made and changes that I would have rather not have made. I feel much more confident in myself - more confident in being the man God created me to be.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's got to go

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home

I just got back to Searcy after spending two weeks home! I feel so refreshed and rejuvenated!

I wish that I had been able to stay longer, but there is a slight chance I might be able to go back for a week before school starts as well. We shall see. Jess and Kaeli came down Thursday night before I left so I got to see both of them. Kaeli and I actually drove back to Arkansas together, because she wanted to spend some time with her dad and brother, not having seen them since her graduation from Harding. So we had a fun time catching up...I love my sister-in-law :).

Some of the things I did over the break:

1. Read the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th Harry Potter books (I love having time to read for fun!)
   
2. Played soccer every Wednesday and Saturday with a group of college/adult age people...it was so much FUN!!
   
3. Slept in most every day
4. Helped Catherine clean out the stables for one of the ladies she works for...she has 13 horses I believe.
5. Catherine also works for another lady that has horses, and she has the big draft horse, called Grand Master, that is 19 hands tall (that's really tall in horse-measurements I guess). I got to ride him a couple of times!
6. The first Sunday back, after church was over, we happened to drive along a group of really nice exotic cars for like 10 minutes: Callaway C16, Lamborghini Gallardo, Alfa Romeo 8C Competizione, Audi R8, and a Ford GT. I know for those who don't care about cars this probably means nothing...but for those who do...might realize why this was the most amazing car-related experience of my life!
7. Changed my oil, got new spark plugs and new tires on my car.
8. Watched Star Trek, and loved it
9. Spent as much time with my family as I could!!!!
10. Enjoyed many home cooked meals :)

I hope all of you had a great couple of weeks as well!

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Tids and bits

There is almost nothing better than stepping into a hot shower after hours of feeling chilled :)

I got my taxes done today, mostly thanks to Sam! Taxes always stress me out sooo much.

I miss the family

I still don't know what I'm going to do over the summer...

I'm going to be eating the Easter eggs we colored on Sunday for probably the next couple of weeks...but that's ok, because I like boiled eggs!

I'm so glad this extremely busy day is done. Now for a few hours of sleep before I start another day very similar.

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My work for the entire semester

...has fluttered away. Yep. I found out today that the scope for my IT 410 capstone project has drastically changed (mostly due to Cloverdale leaders, a little for other reasons). I'm going to get slightly technical here:

Basically, our group was supposed to create a database on a server, and then create the corresponding web forms (so that anyone could access it online), and also create a Microsoft Access database (for the church leaders/secretary to use) to link to it.

Well, 95% of my work was done on creating the server database and the web forms. Guess what got scrapped from the project?!?!?!? Gah....

On one hand, its good, because now we are all focusing on solely creating an Access database that should be really user friendly, and I'm not worried about delivering a product that will break soon. I'm sure we can deliver a good product to Cloverdale church. Yet now the majority of my semester's work will not show up in the final product, and that's sad. I almost cried.

But I guess I still learned a lot during the process...which is good...

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My mom now has a job

I'm not sure what to think. I just got the email tonight. My mom hasn't had a job since us kids started coming, so I've never known what it's like. Here's part of her email:

"I just wanted to share with you that I have a job working in a facility (RHA Howell- Clear Creek) with severely mentally handicapped people, ages 5-70. It's not a hospital and the people are not necessarily sick, although some have trachs and feeding tubes and wound problems due to their mental disabilities. Many cannot walk and most cannot communicate verbally and therefore use creative ways to get your attention! But this is their home, where many have lived their whole lives.
...It is all so new to me! I start tomorrow, orienting with another nurse. (I had a special training class on Thursday and Friday - learning different behavior patterns, how to better understand their conditions, how to react appropriately, and how to defend myself with blocks and moves that keep both the clients & myself safe - things like that.)
...Everyone one I have met there is friendly and loves the work; as the Director of Nursing told me first thing, "You will either love it or hate it - no in between." Those that don't love it leave.
...I would really appreciate your prayers."

I'm really glad that she got a job, but I guess I'm just a little nervous for her. That part about her learning how to defend her self...i just...don't like at all. Please also keep my Mom in your prayers! Thanks.

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Saint Patty's Day Part 2

I guess I thought of something else I wanted to write about. In the same class I have to read that book, we have been talking a bit about setting goals, and how that can be a good thing and help you accomplish a lot more than if you hadn't set them. So our teacher has encouraged us to actually write down a few goals for our life, and I thought I'd share a few of the ones I thought of.

• I will be present at every one of my child's births


• I will memorize the book of James


• I will learn how to play the violin and guitar. And re-learn the piano


• I will give at least a million dollars to charity


• I will own a car that goes at least 170 mph


• I will play a recognizable part in a major motion picture or popular television show (not a soap)


• I will go to Disneyland or Disney World


• I want to personally baptize all my children


• I will go to Scotland and New Zealand


• This isn't really as much of a goal as it is an ideal dream, but I'd like my first kiss to be in the rain.


• I will spend at least a year acting as a missionary in another country


• I will go to at least one Dallas Cowboys game, preferably the Super Bowl


• I will visit the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, and Yellowstone


• I will spend at least a week in New York City

Some of them our superficial I know, but others are deeper and more meaningful. I have more but I'm still building the list too!

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Saint Patty's Day

Today was a really good day. Nothing remarkable happened...it was just...nice. I forgot what day it was so I didn't purposely wear any green. In the afternoon the fog cleared up and the weather turned perfect.

Steve invited me over to dinner at the caf, which was awesome A) it's free food B) you run into a lot people, and I miss that social aspect. Although I do love living off campus, I seem to lose a bit of the social involvement of college. I rarely pass by the front lawn anymore and I miss that.

Natalie came over tonight and we watched Unbreakable (if you haven't seen it, watch it!). It's one of M. Night Shyamalan's first movies, and is one of the best. Plus I got to watch it with a great friend, one I hadn't hung out with in while, and it was wonderful.

One of my teachers, Dr Cronk, asked me if I would be willing to be a paid tutor for her students in her IT 280 class, and I said yes, definitely! I will be able to be acting as a tutor during my regular lab hours, and will get paid even if students don't show up for help. So basically I should be making double the money for sitting in a computer lab! This is exciting because I need to make up the money I lost during break! Also Spring Sing is coming so I'll be able to make the money by being on run crew so that's nice!

Now it's 12:30 am...and I still have 4 and a half chapters I have to read out of a book by 2:00 tomorrow. I learned about it on Monday, and had to run and buy the book at the bookstore. Fortunately, the book is easy to read and it seems like it'll make some pretty powerful points. The book is "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg. I'm excited about reading it all, I just wish I wasn't under pressure to read it.

So I better go do that. Bye! :)

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Almost spring break!

One of my midterms was pushed to the week after spring break!

I got a package from home, which contained:

• A card
• A check for the money I got for my jeep
• Cooking spices
• Homemade orange cinnamon bread
• Homemade molasses crinkles cookies (my favorite!)
• Glow sticks!! (from sister)
  

All of which has made the day pretty awesome so far...plus today was a really pretty day, even though it was cold.

I can't wait for spring break! It's going to be fun. I can't wait to go jet skiing again!

I watched "She's The Man" last night (with Amanda Bynes) and loved it.

I have three reports on professional children's theatre reports to write by tomorrow...I've already got one mostly finished.

My group project for my IT capstone class is going pretty well...we're trying to get at a good stopping place before spring break. We're now to the point where we're going to be working a lot with HTML and PHP, which I like doing and am good at, but for the rest of the people in my group PHP and HTML doesn't come as quickly, but they're learning so we're making progress!

Lets see...I think I might actually splurge tomorrow night and spend $3 to see Taken at Searcy Cinecrud 8...

Well...that's an update on my life! I know you're all enthralled to read about it.

Lovers, keep on the road you're on
Runners, until the race is run
Soldiers, you've got to soldier on
Sometimes even right is wrong

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i'm ready

to like someone again

someone i can like without feeling guilty

or hopeless

i'm not desperate for a relationship

i'm relatively satisfied being single

but i want to know it's possible

that i can like someone

with her liking me back

so i'm ready

for the feeling that comes with the unknown

the pleasant nervousness

the quickening pace of my heart

when i'm around her

now i'll play the waiting game

to see if it's possible

to open those feelings and let them run free

waiting for the girl that catches my fancy

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No freezing rain NO

I think I let the weather affect my mood too much.

I'm mad at myself. I feel like I have been making too many compromises, and this needs to stop.

I've been feeling really off lately...well, pretty much this whole semester (what there has been of it.) There's a part of me that has really wanted to not be here at Harding. A part that wants to move on. Go out into the world. Get a job. Start a new life.

I have found myself resisting relationships; wanting to distance myself from friends because, for some reason, I think that once I leave Harding next year that it will be goodbye forever. And thus why get closer to people when it will just make saying those goodbyes harder?

I was studying in the Heritage lobby between rehearsals tonight, and Tessa walked by and sat down and we started talking. Because I was pondering this right before she came, the conversation led here. As I was voicing the above feelings to her...I realize how ridiculous they were (thanks Tessa...right time right place.)

If I live my life hoping to move on so as to avoid the hurt that comes with it, then what's the point? God can only use me when I allow him to use me in every situation. So I am going to purge these pessimistic thoughts, and instead live and cherish every moment, every relationship, every situation.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from the movie Gladiator. As Maximus rallies his troupes and prepares them to charge into battle against the barbarian horde, he closes his speech saying:

"Brothers, what we do in life, echoes in eternity."

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Bittersweet Day

It's remarkable how things can turn around so quickly. I woke up this morning looking forward to spending the day with Eric and Ryan, a couple of my best friends from New Mexico (they drove up last night to visit me for a day). I was on top of the world.

...and then life smacked me in the face.

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